Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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