After last night, I could never be a politician.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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