They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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