I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize