Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
