I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
