Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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