R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
