Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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