Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
