There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
