the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
