oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
