Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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