I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
im on a boat
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