you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
