Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
