I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize