im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
