Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
