Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
