I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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