I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
pray to the hookup gods
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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