I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
