defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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