R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
