Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases

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(+32): View more from Belgium

Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.

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(847): View more from Illinois

we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u

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(954): View more from Florida

i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk

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(571): View more from Virginia

Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"

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(707): View more from California

People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.

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(540): View more from Virginia

no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??

(804): View more from Virginia

damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos

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(516): View more from New York

I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.

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