I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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