You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
