saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
