Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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