I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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