tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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