Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
