i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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