i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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