My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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