If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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