apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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