if only i could text you this smell
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize