Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
