You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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