She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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