It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
