I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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