what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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