On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
