I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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