we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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