I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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