I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize