i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
