Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize