I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
