Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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