If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
