can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
