first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
