my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's never too late to be topless.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
