And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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