erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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