that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
