he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize